How to process through your pain
There are three main types of trauma: Acute, Chronic, or Complex
Acute trauma results from a single incident.
Chronic trauma is repeated and prolonged such as domestic violence or abuse.
Complex trauma is exposure to varied and multiple traumatic events, often of an invasive, interpersonal nature.
When there is pain, conflict or drama it can create a freeze like state within us which is a trauma response.
Trauma is a popular term in therapy and treatment because it is now widely renowned as a cause of many of our behaviours or reactions. It can feel alien to us and ‘of us’ because it causes us to act ‘out of character’. This is why trauma work is vital to those who have PTSD or CPTSD because the ‘extreme character change’ can be damaging or even fatal to sufferers and/or those around them.
As a coach I am not trained to treat trauma or understand the necessary tools to heal from it. What I can do is supply information and support around the treatment of it.
When I experience the ‘freeze’ state it can feel as though I am stuck and unable to move or help myself. The feeling of being overwhelmed and powerless creates anxiety and sometimes shame.
Shame is a corrosive feeling and can be fatal. Guilt is about what we have done. Shame is about who we are.
The trauma response that creates the feeling of shame can drive people to self-harm and suicidal thoughts.
Imagine if a child that’s in the back seat of a car which is involved in an accident, suffers trauma because of it, then subsequently self-harms. You would wonder why on earth this would occur or why they would feel like this is necessary. This is the irrationality of trauma.
Trauma like any other intense feeling creates overwhelm and when somebody is overwhelmed they can go into ‘immediate fix’ mode. Sometimes the option is self harm, it feels like it eases some of the pressure, confirms that you're still alive, and sometimes it’s suicide.
In this instance I would recommend seeing a therapist who specialises in Trauma. They will introduce you to the right treatment for you.
These are PE – Prolonged Exposure, CPT - Cognitive Processing Therapy, EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization and Reporcessing or Trauma informed CBT - Cognitive Processing Therapy.
If you have anxiety or are uncomfortable with your current state but not quite despairing about it then there are some healthy ways of getting you to process through it.
Notice it’s about going through it.
Dr Adrienne Heinz PhD says “You have to walk through it to get past it.” Ultimately, in most cases, processing trauma means getting in touch with trauma-related emotions, thoughts, and conclusions you’ve drawn about yourself and the world.
See my five tips below on processing your trauma, emotions and feelings.
1. Group Therapy – if your trauma was created by a car accident, abuse or some other circumstance that was beyond your control then discussing your situation with others who understand is essential. One of the worst feelings or thoughts we can have is that ‘I’m on my own with this, nobody knows or understands what this feels like’. No matter what we are going through there will always be others who have suffered too.
2. Sleep – getting a good nights sleep is an important gift to give yourself. 7 or 8 hours can give you a great start to the day and make you ‘ready’ for the day ahead. If you have trouble sleeping don’t forget ‘resting’ is the next best thing so as long as you are resting your body then this will still be supplying your body what it needs. Reading or writing makes me sleepy when I’m not able to sleep so try either or both of those.
3. Yoga – healing from trauma can be a lifelong process and yoga is a fantastic way of stretching your body parts that could be ‘holding’ trauma. Yoga provides very natural and healthy processing techniques to dissipate any stored or blocked energy.
4. Exercise – no matter what you choose to do exercise is important to every human being. If you have any issues in your life that you feel are too much or anxiety inducing then go for a walk, run or play some sports. Not only does it make you feel better about yourself it also provides a healthy distraction from your thoughts and feelings.
5. You are not your feelings – When I am feeling intense emotions I force myself to sit in them. If I am overwhelmed I see the reality as quickly as possible – am I ok? am I bleeding or breathing properly? am I in any immediate danger? Is anything about to attack me? By checking in with yourself and assessing what’s going on around you you are able to rationalise. Are these feelings of despair or hyper anxiety true? When you’re able to ascertain that there is no danger to self at this point - it is just my feelings telling me that I am in danger of something happening, then you can begin to calm yourself and understand that your feelings are not a true reflection of the present and all is actually ok.
If you are looking at changing your life so that you take risks, feed your soul and become the person you’ve always wanted to be.... then why not email me to set up a call? We’ll discuss a strategy and put a plan in action to achieve that.
martyn@becomeunstuck.co.uk
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